Today has just been the worst day.
It started with a dream where my mom and dad were visiting to see Robbie play in a concert. But we kept being late to the various concert sites. And he was getting more and more frustrated with the waiting, and they were just handing him different instruments, none of which he knew how to play.
Then my mom just walked away. I kept following her and she was always just out of reach.
I hate those dreams.
I miss her so much.
Then I woke up, and I had the worst headache and then I realized that Robbie won't have music class anymore. They don't have music once you're in 6th grade, unless you're in band or choir. And don't tell me he can take one of those. He can't.
I started crying and crying until my head was hurting even more. And then the day got worse.
Robbie got home from the last day of extended school year (summer school for special needs), and it was evident from the moment he walked in the door that his day wasn't going well either.
He had a full meltdown, followed by a full rage, followed by the worst behavior I have ever witnessed in him.
That's enough said.
And I decided that life is just not worth it. I give up.
I have no intention of ever hoping or trying to hope anymore.
The funny thing is that I'm not even mentioning the rest of the story. Because it's all bad. Every bit of it.
So I'm sitting staring at a power point lecture, trying to focus on my class and get something done, and realizing it doesn't matter either. I'll do it, because I must. I'll get a job, I'll work hard, I'll try to have moments of joy, but life is horrible and that will never ever change.
I'm so tired.